The I Statement

Hi beautiful-people-nice-enough-to-take-time-out-of-their-day-to-read-my-letter! 😘

I just wanted to share a nice story that has recently happened to me and to share a lesson I’ve learned.

My lease is up and I had been looking for a house to rent and wasn’t having any luck in the market.

Bitches be expensive, and I don’t mean people.

So I looked at a few houses KNOWING they were out of my price range, to then not apply because I didn’t feel like going broke paying rent.

Or maybe it wasn’t the neighborhood I wanted.

Or some combination of the two.

It just wasn’t a right fit.

So I kinda put my hands up and said “screw it”.

I just decided to work with what reality was giving me: No house.

Panic started to set in.

The next day, I got a message from a friend.

She suddenly accepted a job three hours away and is vacating her house on the same date I wanted to move into a new one.

She offered to talk to her land lord for me to rent out the house she is leaving.

This house is lower in price than the rest of the neighborhood and offered everything I was looking for.

A week later, I signed the lease on a house that was never even available to the public.

It was basically saved for me.

And so here I am as a reforming control freak, to say that serendipidous events > manipulated ones.

Now, I haven’t experienced a lot of serendipity, but I have experienced the results of my own manipulation, and let me tell you: It ain’t as good.

The feeling of something being effortless and smooth feels like it is clearly your next step and made for you.

This small experience truly changed my perspective on forcing things.

It has led me down an entirely new area of my subconscious that is now undergoing renovation: My controlling mechanisms.

My controlling mechanisms are rooted in survival. _{My need to force, control, manipulate external circumstances to allow me to “win” and “avoid death”.}

As a kid, I had faced many situations that made me feel unsafe and set my nervous system on fire.

So, the way I achieved safety when it wasn’t created by my parents was controlling everything.

I’d control the grades I got so I wouldn’t get punished or disappoint.

I’d control how much I socialized so I wouldn’t be judged.

I’d control the activities I’d do so I wouldn’t provoke my mom’s temper.

These were my “under the radar” attempts to control as many variables as I could to protect my nervous system!

And. Of course. Like all things subconscious, I didn’t know I was doing this.

And I kept doing controlling shit all the way into adulthood. Even now, I struggle with it!

But now, experiencing synchronicity for what I noticed to be the first time in my life…. I appreciated the simplicity of it.

It felt good not going up against the surf all the time.

In the famous book, “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, the protagonist talks about learning to read omens and “the language of the world”.

I think this was my first experience in recognizing that language.

And TBH, it is very possible synchronicity may have happened to me before… But I wasn’t conscious enough in my spirituality to notice it, AND I was STUCK IN CONTROL-SURVIVAL MODE. 

I meditated for a while on the concept of control (as this girl would) and other aspects I noticed about control are:

• The opposite of control is acceptance. (I wrote an article on this one a few weeks back.)

• Control is a false sense of security. It is a form of survival mode.

• The universe reserves the RIGHT to throw as many monkey wrenches in as it wants.

• The only thing we are in control of is our decisions, perspective, and growth.

• Wanting to control is not trusting that this universe is a good one. 

I also noticed for as long as I am focused on the shit I want to avoid, it controlled ME, and my response was to be controlling right back. (Think about that one).

And while you’re thinking, think about this: The sun sets and the moon rises every damn day without your input.

There is an intelligence in this life that controls shit that we couldn’t possibly be a match to.

Another thing is that control and experience counter each other.

 If you control, you won’t get the experience you’re meant to have!

Allowing yourself to pull back and let things happen is a corrective experience on it’s own and may be just what you need to catalyze a change!

If you’re struggling with control of everything in your life, the last thing you’re focused on is your purpose, growth, and spirituality.

YOUR LIFE becomes about survival: Remember, control is a survival MECHANISM! _{(And I want to reiterate that if you have a home to sleep in, access to the internet, readily accessible food to eat, a shower, a toilet, and a means of transport, you’re WELL BEYOND SURVIVAL MODE.)}

I have a simple process to begin getting out of control-survival mode:

1. Examine your grip. What are you very rigid about? What are your NEEDS?

2. SHAKE THIS TENDENCY TO CONTROL OFF gently, gradually as you allow corrective experiences to come in and change your mind.

   What are corrective experiences?

   → Acceptance of events. Allowance of things being what they are.

   And watch how you DON’T DIE.😘 (Read my other newsletter here.)

3. Separating a control freak (like me) from their comfort zone is like taking a cat and putting it in water.

   You will feel terrified, threatened, panicky. It is NORMAL. It gets better the more you flex away from your control comfort zone.

   But it is important to find self-soothing strategies. Working with a coach can help here!

4. Examine your grip, Allow corrective experiences, self-soothe, and repeat.

   It is a skill, like any other and requires practice, over and over again.

To end this, you’ll know you’re in control mode when you feel tunnel-visioned, rushed, hectic, and unable to bend to any other result other than the one you want.

Be there for yourselves guys! Love you all and til next time 🙂