The I statement

Five years ago, I hit the lowest of the low after a bad break up (How all good hero journey’s start).

On my part, I was clingy, insecure and had an anxious attachment to my partner.

And what happens when you hold onto a human too tight?

They look like this dude. ^ Not having a good time. At. All.

SOOOO my relationship ended.

I was 27 and I remember vowing to ANNIHILATE the parts of me that were like this goat from above. ^

FIVE YEARS LATER (In your best Spongebob pirate voice), I have been on a journey (not to annihilate) but rather to understand and connect with myself.

I’m convinced my spirit self chose the most perfectionistic incarnation possible (i.e. ME, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me), in order to DEEPLY experience what accepting myself felt like.

Looking back my vision was so black-and-white, I believed “I was bad” because I had miseducated parts who used clinging to people as the answer to my problems.

Turns out, these miseducated parts of myself were rooted in childhood trauma. WHO KNEW?

SOOO Like the virgo I am, I took it on as a full time job.

I was led down a path of learning about trauma, Complex PTSD, reconnecting with myself, my loved ones, my purpose, my body and the universe.

This journey is honestly tough to put into words.

Most of the healing modalities I have studied and personally use are spiritual.

And we all know spirituality isn’t something you can put in a box.

This is what my brand is all about though: Helping you achieve self-mastery through a spiritual journey so amazing, it will leave you without words.

SOOOO what makes things a little easier to reflect with? ^{_{(Hint: Remember, I’m a Virgo)}}

MAKE A LIST!

Recaps are helpful to focus on any situation’s positive aspects.

I learned a lot of lessons going on this spiritual journey through a physical world.

This little tangent brings me to the actual point of this newsletter:

—> Things I’ve learned about trauma healing after working on it like a full time job for the past 5 years

And #1. is: Things happen FOR YOU.

(Not because they are legit what you ask for or deserve, but they are things you can become an even more badass being based on how you receive and respond to them.)

2. Trauma actually means = A shitty event that happens to you beyond your control that shifts your beliefs and understanding about the world and yourself, and causes you to disconnect from yourself.

3. Trauma is the event(s). Everything you experience that happens after that is maladaptive responses you created as a result of the disconnection that happens within you.

   So you having a narcissistic mother and then being very insecure about yourself around your boyfriend because you never feel good enough?

   That’s alllll maladaptive crap you created because you’re not connected to yourself (you don’t know yourself).

   _{(And before you get mad at me saying “you created”, let me explain with:)}

4. You may not consciously select your responses to trauma.

   You may get triggered and feel like you’re having a panic attack whenever someone says a certain word or doesn’t make eye contact with you when they talk.

   BUT

   You created this response unconsciously to certain triggers, and no, you aren’t bad for doing it!

5. Your triggers don’t have to make sense. They usually don’t TBH. This is normal. They probably were created before you were able to even go to school.

6. I refer to shadow work as those maladaptive responses that are blended with you (that you think are part of you). 

   I also classify limiting beliefs, weaknesses, miseducated parts of self, the inner children, all the dark dank stuff you never confront: I call them “shadows” too.

7. Once you understand your spirit’s agenda _{(which is nothing other than experiencing and expanding itself by using your life as the fertile grounds for it)}, you get that there are no accidents about your upbringing because you CHOSE THIS LIFE just the way it is.

8. I DO NOT care how good you had it growing up: No one leaves childhood unscathed. We all have maladaptive mechanisms as adults that we have done FOREVER that don’t help us anymore.

9. Trauma’s effects aren’t just mental. They’re physical, They’re in your thoughts, your emotions, they’re stewed in your habits, they’re in your damn natal chart, they can extend to any and every part of your life*. It is #SUPERINSIDIOUS.

   _{*Chances are if shit isn’t working out in one area of your life, there is likely a maladaptive trauma response going on somewhere.}

10. There is no end goal to this: It is an ongoing journey of self-mastery. You can have goals, but not agendas. There is no due date for this, it isn’t homework!

11. When I first started this journey, I got with a relationship coach and although she empowered me to know I’m a badass boss bitch, she didn’t have the slightest clue on how to help me exact deep rooted change.

    I have a coaching certification from the world’s first International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaches. If not me, then grab someone from here and get to doing the work!

    You can’t go wrong with receiving help from someone who has been through the healing process and can lead you through it.

12. My trauma made me a past-oriented person.

    My anxiety was so high, it set the roof on fire!

    My trauma is no longer a factor when i now look at who I am. My past doesn’t factor in anymore. Healing turned me into a present and future-oriented person.

13. Healing work happens just like every other thing you want to accomplish: With consistency! It is a lifestyle.

    You need corrective experience after corrective experience.

14. Whether it is a relationship with your mom, dad, boyfriend, or self, healing trauma is most effective when it takes place in relationship, as most trauma results from a relational injury as children with our parents or families.

    In EVERY INSTANCE, it is the relationship between you and yourself that is most disconnected and that you heal the most in developing.

    Turns out, healing work is an experiential thing.

15. During your healing journey, you are reconnecting with yourself, your belief system, your humanity, your place in the world, your relationships, your body, your god, EVERYTHING.

    It forces you to look at it all. It’s like entering another realm you haven’t ever paid attention to before.

    Your life will feel like a Stranger Things episode.

    

    BUT then you’ll come back and see your life differently and it feels awesome.

16. Healing your trauma means your incorporating disconnected parts of yourself back into one unified self.

    The more you refuse to integrate the parts of you that make you “feel bad” about yourself, you’ll still remain unhealed.

    That’s why you hear all these yuppies saying “Feel your feelings”.

    

17. Which brings me to say, when you’re triggered, your feelings are individual parts of you who want to be heard, understood and ACCEPTED as part of you.

    Read that shit again. And then go read my article on acceptance.

Ok I’m gon wrap this up because something called information overload exists. But I love y’all, and write to you next week!