The I Statement

I met with my spiritual coach of 3 years today and at this point I can definitely say… I want to be her when I grow up.

She is this amazing woman in her 70’s who tells me like it is and today she said something that I absolutely have to talk about:

“We are after wholeness here. The more you accept the gnarly stuff, the more you can be your whole self and be radiant.”

And this got me thinking: We all tend to focus on what makes us “good”… What we are “good” at… What makes us look “good” to others.

SOOO after doing this since childhood, the part of our brains that focuses on the “good” parts, develops really well.

And the part of our brains that can cope with the bad stuff?… That b**tch is tiny.

The key to being a whole person, is to accept those parts of you that aren’t ideal too.

Without it, you’re basically telling yourself that half of you isn’t worth loving or paying attention to.

If you shut out your “bad” parts, your life is going to be really tiny.

How do I change this sh*t?

Lets start with changing the name “bad” and “good” to “effective” and “ineffective”.

No part of you is bad. It may be ineffective, annoying, not helping you achieve goals, confused, limiting… but not bad.

And this isn’t a “good” or “bad” kind-of-thing either.

It is more like a “it just is what it is”.

You are who you are _{(all parts included)}.

Now, I know I’m asking for a lot, telling you to accept your ineffective parts too.

But those parts hold a lot of information that could help you.

Your ineffective parts will show you where your belief systems falter and what you have to work on evolving to be a better and happier human.

Deep down, there are parts of you that straight up think they’re awful, unlovable, worthless, etc.

THESE parts are where your attention and growth is needed.

Otherwise, good luck trying to be happy while you have a bunch of skeletons in your closet.

I’m going to simplify the process of integration to three steps.

1. So it goes without saying that the first step to anything is mindfulness.

Our first aim should be to find out more about these parts by observing them.

Find out as much information as you can.

If you can observe these ineffective sides of you that you’ve been neglecting even looking at, that means you’re halfway there.

MORE GOOD NEWS: If you can actually observe these parts of you, it means you’re not actually THEM.

Whenever they bubble up, don’t push them aside: Observe them.

2. Next step is to allow them to be there.

Through allowing it, you’re developing a relationship with it.

Don’t fight it, just BE WITH IT.

It’s like sitting in a room with a stranger… Sooner or later, you start talking.

Over time, it changes and reveals more to you about yourself.

And who doesn’t need that?

3. The last step would be acceptance, whenever you’re ready for that.

Look, you don’t have to wrestle yourself into submission.

Nope.

Acceptance looks like making peace with the part of you that bubbles up, respecting it has a different opinion, acknowledging it and being grateful it exists. Maybe provide reeducation, and healing. Guidance.

You’re doing what we in the coaching world call RE-PARENTING.

And then it continues.

It’s a life long journey with yourself.

Being human also means we aren’t supposed to be perfect beings.

If we were, this world would look a hell of a lot different, wouldn’t it?

Disney would go broke having nothing to sell us.

But in the mean time, although we aren’t perfect and we don’t need to be.

We can still achieve wholeness just the way we are.