The I Statement

I’m going to explain why EVERYTHING you experience in this world, is just a reflection of the filter you’re choosing to experience it with.

I’m going to lean HARD into my childhood trauma recovery coach title for a second.

Think of a limiting belief you have that is ongoing.

They usually come out to play at your worst times, during your most triggered emotional moments.

It is a repeated, distorted thought that triggers you.

Often times, they’re masked by big feelings or they can also be subconscious.

The most common ones are:

“I am unlovable.”

“I am insignificant.”

“I am not wanted.”

“No one cares about me.”

“I am alone.”

“I can’t cope.”

“Other people are going to hurt me.”

“I can’t trust men.”

Where do these thoughts come from?

When we are children in unstable environments being raised by people who are not reliable, we live terrified existences.

We ALL have an innate need for stability and when we don’t get it, we have to do SOMETHING to satisfy that need.

So we create a story.

Our story doesn’t have to be a good one either.

It may likely even be self-shaming.

It might LIMIT us in some way.

But hell, our kid selves didn’t know this story would do that.

To them, the important part was that our story was predictable.

We needed to make up something to explain our situation that would be true all the time.

Thus, what was happening all the time, became our belief.

If we were neglected all the time, the biggest thing that made sense was “I must be the issue. I’m unlovable. THAT explains it.”

Then, over time, we can expect it. And when it FOR SURE HAPPENS (Because maybe your parents consistently left you out of things), we at least had an explanation for it.

THAT was where we created stability in our lives: Our belief.

Take me for example: I had a father who was VERY protective of me around other men when I was very young.

I couldn’t sit on uncle’s laps. I couldn’t be alone in a room with any man.

Over time, my brain felt anxiety around men.

To feel a sense of stability around men, I developed a story (or a belief) around men to think: "I can’t trust men” in order to explain why I felt clockwork anxiety around them.

Make sense?

This understanding forms the basis as to why EVERYTHING we experience in life, is just a reflection of our own beliefs.

Your beliefs are a filter that you see the world through.

If you believe you’re unwanted, you’ll see that in your environment because you EXPECT IT.

And what’s more, this belief gave you a sense of STABILITY.

It was your ANCHOR to reality’s events.

We are hella comfortable with using this belief by now, even if it doesn’t serve us like it used to.

For example, if you get fired at work and you have a limiting belief that you’re insignificant, it’ll hit you harder than it would someone without your belief system because to you, it feels deeply personal.

TO you, it just confirms your belief that you’re insignificant.

“It always happens to me.”

But if you didn’t have your belief system, you know what you’d think?

“They were so disorganized with money, it was only a matter of time” or “They had their reasons” or “F**k them!”

Your limiting belief distorts reality against your favor.

It puts you automatically at a minus— Because at some point, that was your constant reality: You felt like you were at a minus.

Your limiting beliefs LIMIT YOU.

But….here is the silver lining.

We are adults now who can identify these beliefs and slowly begin to choose different beliefs.

I do not endorse completely replacing and eradicating parts of you that believe these things.

That is basically abandoning parts of yourself that need more love than you know.

What you CAN do is create NEW beliefs.

It’s like creating a new highway that your neurons start using instead of the old highway.

It is werk,werk,werk,werk,werk,werk but worth it.

Here are ways I have found to be effective to do this:

1. Learn to recognize when you’re triggered.

Yup. It’s a skill. Observing yourself is key. This alone may take weeks to years. No time limit for this.

But I promise you one thing: Once you learn to observe it, you are no longer IN IT.

And then you can start gaining information about it. :)

2. The next step is to work your way down to the core of what you’re experiencing using a Golden Thread approach.

A Golden Thread approach, which is a term I heard from Wu Wei Wisdom (below), is sifting through the emotions you’re feeling to get to the core belief driving your feelings.

The external environment isn’t creating these feelings, your belief IS.

They key is to get down to the very core of your feeling and expose the belief.

These guys helped me tremendously when I started my work. Check our their videos if you’re in need of somewhere to start this process.

You know what I’m going to say next right?

3. JOURNALING.

Please pick up a $1.25 journal from the no-longer-a-dollar Dollar Tree and start to write what you notice when this belief system comes up.

How will you know it is coming up? Refer back to step 1.

You’ll be emotionally triggered and feel negative emotions, usually around some issue that produces perceived loss of stability.

Those moments are GOLDEN opportunities to work your way down to the core of the feelings you have.

Document this process and the things you learn.

4. Produce examples that can counteract your limiting beliefs.

If you don’t believe you’re lovable, make a CONCERTED EFFORT to see examples in the world that show you ARE.

If you believe you’re alone, produce rituals that help you feel stable in your existence and that help you feel your own company.

DO THESE THINGS #CONSISTENTLY.

I hope this post helped you. My longest to date!

Love you all! Reach out via email [email protected], I respond to every email I get!